Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Before the Fall - Laugh

I was falling down that rabbit hole this morning.  You know the one that makes you want to eat more as a distraction, self medicate and push away the feelings you don't want to feel.  Where your brain is sure that you're a loser, and not ever going to get past that, but if you eat something you'll be momentarily over taken by sensorial pleasure and forget the nagging feeling of dread or disgust or fear.

Comfort and safety is where most people cling.  We cling to the habits that feel good.  For me it used to be cereal with milk or a pastry for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, and dinner was mostly a meat, veggie, bread, typical of how I grew up.  Then that all changed.  I had to open up to other possibilities.  The new way made my body feel better but didn't do a huge amount for my desire to have what was familiar.  Luckily feeling good and looking good had more power and I found that I loved a bowl of warm whole grain for breakfast even more than a gooey cinnamon role because I liked feeling strong, clear, full of energy and well.

Just because I changed what was on the plate and stuck to that, doesn't mean there weren't moments of lapse or overeating with the new foods.  It took time to be okay with it in my mind.  Now I'm transitioning and doubting myself and I just watch, hang back and notice that old me rearing her tangled hair trying to pull me back to what doesn't work.  I just have the ability to laugh and shift my mood before the fall.

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